I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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