he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
