Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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