I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
