He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
did you just send me my own nude
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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