She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
