It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
