ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
