of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
