Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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