Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So vagazzling was a success
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
