i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
