i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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