Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
