I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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