Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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