i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
