I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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