i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
