she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i came on her dog
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
