I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
