My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
