Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They are going to name an STD after you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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