I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
