I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
