My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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