Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
