Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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