but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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