very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
