I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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