I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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