I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
