thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
