Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
