someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
should my penis look like a turkey
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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