just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
