fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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