The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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