It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I forget how to act sober
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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