the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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