i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
