I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Still dying that you shit outside
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
