So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
