If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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