I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
