His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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