you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
