I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
