The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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