he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
