I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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