the condom got lost in my hair
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
