is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
