i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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