Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
