The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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