If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
