I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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