i think i have two assholes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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