I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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