honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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