dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
