It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
