let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
