Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
